New Year's Eve Reflections
by LuckyDuck29
Summary: Lulu spends New Years Eve with Spinelli in an attempt to comfort him after his discovery about Georgie’s true feelings for him. Sequel to Total Honesty. Please see my profile for the link to the ld29info forum for the author’s notes.


"You're what?" Logan asked Lulu incredulously.

"I'm gonna spend New Year's Eve with Spinelli."

"Why?"

"Georgie's death has hit him really hard. Plus, I've been really mean to him over the past year, and only because he was trying to be a good friend. I've been punishing him for his honesty and we're trying to repair our friendship; I've done a lot of damage to it."

"What? Is he sending you on a guilt trip?"

"No, Georgie's funeral and my dad's health have done that. Spinelli never makes me feel bad for mistreating him; that was part of the problem. He was living under the delusion that I was perfect. But he really needs a friend now and I need to be his friend."

"He's gonna take advantage of this, Lulu; before you know it he'll be-"

"Spinelli isn't like that, Logan; he doesn't play those games. Jason has to leave on business tonight. Georgie's gone and Nadine has to work. I don't want my friend to be alone tonight. His grief is too fresh and he's gonna be feeling horrible."

"What about us?" Logan demanded angrily. "I thought we were trying to get past-"

"We are. This has nothing to do with you and me; it has to do with my friendship with Spinelli. But about you and me; this new jealousy of yours is really unattractive. I mean, you don't want me to be friends with Johnny. You don't want me to spend time with Spinelli, who was my friend before you and I even met, by the way. I don't let anyone tell me what to do, Logan; you should know that by now. I'm gonna spend time with who I want, when I want. If you can't get that through your head and accept it, you and I don't have a chance."

"Well, can't you spend most of the night with him and then come to me before the ball drops? I'd like to be with you at midnight. There's a legend that says the person whose arms you're in at midnight on New Year's Eve is the person you're gonna spend the year with."

"Where did you hear that?"

"I don't remember."

Lulu hesitated. His request was reasonable. But she still didn't want to bring up Logan yet with Spinelli if she didn't have to. She had the day of Georgie's funeral, but he had wanted to talk about something normal, and she had told him to stop her if Logan wasn't a subject he wanted to discuss. He had because he knew she needed advice, and that she would seriously consider it without getting defensive or angry, but she knew Logan was still a very sensitive subject with both of them because of Logan's and Spinelli's mutual animosity.

It had been wrong of her to try to force a friendship between them just to make her feel better. Spinelli had been right to refuse. Logan had tried, but only to score points with Lulu; she knew that now. Spinelli had known it from the start, which had been part of the reason for his flat out refusal. She didn't want to tell him she would leave him and go to be with Logan; that wouldn't be fair to him. She knew she would have to try to get him to accept her relationship with Logan sooner or later, but not yet. They were being completely honest with each other, but they were also still being careful. They both knew instinctively that their friendship was still fragile and Lulu knew it was mostly her fault. She knew they had both made mistakes, but Spinelli had never threatened to end their friendship; Lulu had once, and she had also chosen Spinelli's most hated rival.

Spinelli had good reasons to hate Logan, not the least of them being that Logan had humiliated him in front of her. Lulu had figuratively spat in his face when she had chosen to be with Logan, and then she had chosen him a second time after he had proven Spinelli right about him.

"No," she decided, "I'm not ready to test him with Logan yet. He feels bad enough already about Georgie; I'm not about to make him feel worse by throwing Logan in his face."

Logan saw the hesitation and sighed. She was going to do this, regardless of what he wanted. But at least she was going to be with Spinelli instead of Johnny. Spinelli wouldn't get her killed. Besides, he knew she thought of Spinelli as just a friend; he didn't have that assurance where Johnny was concerned. If it had been anyone other than Spinelli, Logan would have been afraid he would try to take advantage of her, but he knew Spinelli was honorable. He hated to admit it, but he did know it. He had really only told Lulu Spinelli would take advantage of her new desire to rebuild their friendship because Logan wanted to try to get his own way. He could see now that he wasn't going to win this one.

"OK," he said with a frustrated sigh, "but can we spend the day together tomorrow?"

"I have to work in the morning, but we can spend the afternoon together."

"Good enough," he said, faking cheerfulness.

As he watched her leave Kelly's, he glared at her back. What was it about that guy that made him so important to her? Logan wanted to ask her, but she got defensive every time she thought he was starting in on Spinelli. He decided he would find a tactful way to ask her tomorrow. Maybe if he understood her relationship with Spinelli better, he would come to understand him better. If she couldn't make him understand, maybe he could think of something to do about Spinelli so he wouldn't have to deal with Lulu's friendship with him interfering with Logan's relationship with her anymore. Logan thought Lulu had too many guys in her life as it was and he wanted to be the only one.

Spinelli sat reading Georgie's unsent emails. He didn't want to because they only made him feel worse, but he couldn't seem to stop. She had never told him and now she couldn't. The only way he could know her true feelings was by reading the file Lucky had reluctantly allowed him to keep.

Someone knocked. He closed the folder, hoping it wasn't Lucky and Detective Harper again. Harper seemed OK, but Lucky was determined to paint Spinelli as Georgie's killer.

He smiled when he opened the door.

"Hi," Lulu said, returning the smile. "Hungry?"

She held a bag from Kelly's. He shook his head and she looked into his eyes and became concerned.

"What's wrong?"

He motioned for her to come in, knowing by the outline what was in the bag; the food of the Gods, plus her dinner. He took the bag and laid out her dinner, then put the orange soda in the refrigerator. He left the barbecue chips on the table, but the letters had tied his stomach in knots. He knew that would happen, but he needed to get through them. He felt he owed it to Georgie to read what would be her last words to him.

"I found out something that's taken my appetite again."

He indicated the file on the desk.

"Lucky and Detective Harper brought this over the day after Christmas. They combed through Georgie's computer files and found emails she wrote me but never sent."

"Why wouldn't she send them?"

He sighed.

"She was afraid to tell me. She liked me more than I knew. She said she was falling in love with me."

Lulu didn't look surprised.

"You knew?"

"I suspected, but I didn't wanna say anything for several reasons. First, I didn't know for sure and I didn't want either of you to feel awkward with each other if I was wrong. Second, considering all the grief I gave you over Logan, I would have been a total hypocrite to give you advice on your love life. Third, I didn't want you to think I was trying to push you to Georgie to get rid of you."

She paused, looking at the closed folder thoughtfully. She didn't ask to see the letters; they were for his eyes only.

"Was I wrong? Should I have told you?"

He looked at her thoughtfully, considering her question. He wished he had known, but her reasons for not telling him made sense. He wished Georgie could have told him. His feelings for Lulu had been one of the main reasons she had kept it from him; Spinelli had been obsessed with The Blonde One.

"No, I wish I'd known, but I understand why you didn't say anything. I should have known. Stone cold pointed it out a few hours before she died. She was the first girl to ever choose The Jackal. For all I know, she may be the only one. The Jackal may have lost his one chance for-"

"You haven't," she said, gently but insistently. "Spinelli, you can't know the future. You could end up with Nadine, or some girl you haven't even met yet. You're barely out of your teens; there's no way you've lost your only chance for love and happiness. I didn't choose you, but that wasn't because of anything you have or don't have. The truth is I just don't feel romantic towards you; I love you like a brother."

He could tell she was afraid she had just hurt him again. It wasn't what she'd said that hurt him; it was the knowledge that he had unintentionally done the same thing to Georgie that Lulu had been doing to him.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking upset. "I didn't mean to sound-"

"No, it's OK. You and I were never meant to be a couple; I know that now."

He looked away quickly and when he spoke again, she could tell he was trying not to cry.

"If I'd been man enough to accept it months ago, maybe I would have seen Georgie's true feelings while she was alive. Maybe she and I could have acted on them and she would have been with me that day instead of going into-"

"Don't even go there!" Lulu said, horrified that he would do this to himself. "Spinelli, please look at me."

He did and she saw that his eyes were wet.

"Being a man had nothing to do with it. Denial is human. It was totally wrong of me to expect you to just turn off your feelings. Georgie wouldn't have expected it either. I don't think she could have thought so highly of you if you could have done that. She knew you had to work through them."

"I was the cause of Georgie's secret pain. Lucky didn't believe I was that clueless when he showed me the file, but I was. I'd been hurting her for months and didn't even know."

A single tear escaped his left eye and she wiped it away with a finger, then put her arms around him.

"You don't honestly believe you're the cause of her going into the park to meet the killer, do you?" she asked gently.

He took a breath and let it out, getting control of himself again, before answering.

"I don't believe she went there to meet the killer because of her feelings for me, if that's what you mean. But maybe if we'd been together I would have been with her when she got the text and I would have gone with her; she wouldn't have been alone."

"You can't know that."

He shook his head.

"That's the problem; I don't know anything about this for sure. I don't know for certain who the killer is; I have no real proof of the one person Georgie suspected. I can't know if I could have saved her. I don't even know where to begin looking for the killer; he's a rat in a mapless maze."

"Spinelli, if you go looking for the killer-"

"Don't' worry; I wouldn't do it without Stone Cold. But I need to do something to help catch him. He killed my friend."

"I can understand that, but please be careful? I don't wanna lose you either."

"You won't," he said, smiling at her.

"Has my brother been harassing you about the file?"

"Not since he and Harper brought it. He didn't want me to keep it; he said it was police evidence, but Harper said they had copies and made him give it to me."

"What else is he doing?" she demanded. "What are you not telling me?" She paused, seeing the anxiety on his face. "I'm angry for you, not with you."

He relaxed, then explained Lucky's theory.

"According to your brother, The Jackal hacked into Wise Georgie's computer and found out how she felt about him. Then I tried to come on to her, but by then she'd already change her mind, so I killed her. He has no proof-"

"Of course he has no proof! There is no proof because you didn't strangle her!"

"He was just trying to get a confession out of me."

"You know why he's doing this to you, don't you?"

"He hates Stone Cold and I'm his friend. I'm also your friend and I'm sure that bothers Lucky for the same reason. He wouldn't want his sister associating with anyone who associates with his hated rival."

"Yeah, well, he's just gonna have to grow up and deal with it," she said fiercely.

He smiled again, then his expression turned pensive. She instinctively waited to see what he would say rather than ask.

"What a year," he said in a tone that reflected all of his mixed feelings.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. So much has happened!"

"If anyone had told me I'd have so many life experiences in one year I would have told them they were insane."

"Some of them were experiences most people will never have."

"Being caught in a hostage situation, for example, being trapped in an elevator and having to help deliver a baby by C Section. This year I've managed to compete with two other guys for you, make an enemy of your boyfriend, crash Stone Cold's bike and literally shoot myself in the foot. This time last year I would have never thought Wise Georgie would be gone, and I barely knew her then. So much has changed since last year. Port Charles itself is different."

"I know. I mean, Emily's gone, too, and my dad's having heart problems. We don't know what's wrong with Nikolas. Lucky and Elizabeth were still together; she was still pregnant with Jake."

"Stone Cold and Fair Samantha were still together, too."

"We were trying to prove my mom's innocence. Alan was still alive and as far as we knew his heart was fine."

"Stone Cold still had his mother's love because Noble Emily was still alive. She blames him now for bringing The Demented One to Port Charles."

"I was having you compete with Milo and Dillon for me; talk about arrogant and immature! What was I thinking? I should have known you guys would get hurt. You and I have had a lot of problems, too, thanks to my treating you like a boomerang.

"A what?" he asked, trying not to laugh.

"I threw you away and waited for you to come back to me like a boomerang. Come here, go away."

"That's over, Blonde One," he said in the tone he always used when he was trying to make her feel better about herself. "All is forgiven."

"Thank you," she said gratefully as her cell rang.

She gave it an annoyed look, but answered, thinking it might be about Luke. It was him, wishing her a happy New Year.

"How is he?" Spinelli asked when she hung up.

"He's doing OK. They had to reschedule the bypass for Christmas Eve because there was a problem the first time they tried to do it."

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked gently. "I could have been there; you must have been terrified."

"I didn't call you or anyone else the first time. I found out he needed to have surgery that night and I freaked out. Logan wouldn't have even known if Bobby hadn't called Scott for moral support; he and Scott happened to be together."

She stopped. She hadn't wanted to bring up Logan yet. But Spinelli didn't seem bothered.

"Did he help you?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Then I'm glad he was there," he told her sincerely.

"Back to your original question, I didn't call you on Christmas Eve because I knew you were dealing with enough. I didn't want you to have to face the possibility of more death so soon after Georgie."

"Many thanks for that," he said sincerely, "but I don't want you to feel you can't come to me."

"I feel the same way. You should have been able to come to me the night you found Georgie, and when you found out about her feelings for you. It's my fault you didn't think I would-"

She broke off, noticing the change in his expression. It was the same expression he got when he thought he upset her.

"What's wrong? What did I say?"

"I shouldn't have told you about Lucky."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't wanna cause trouble between you and-"

"You're not the one who's doing that; Lucky is. We're having brother and sister issues right now, as well as the issue of his treatment of you. If it helps, you're not the only guy he suspects; he's suspicious of everyone. Sam was at Kelly's today and she told me he warned her away from her mechanic just because he doesn't believe his real name is Joe."

Spinelli couldn't help grinning.

"Well, it's not a very common name in Port Charles."

Lulu laughed.

"A lot of people don't have common names here, do they? I mean, do you know anyone else named Lulu, or Jasper, or Lucky? I mean, Lucky's usually a name for a puppy."

Spinelli laughed.

"I have a feeling only someone in his family could point that out to him without being severely rebuked."

"You're probably right."

Her expression turned serious again.

"Don't worry about telling me about Lucky. I don't wanna make you look bad by confronting him, no matter how much I'd like to rip into him for deliberately trying to make you feel worse than you already do about losing your friend. I won't say anything to him about you unless I see him upsetting you. But if I do see that, all bets are off. You didn't kill Georgie and anyone with a brain would know that."

Starting to feel better, Spinelli opened the bag of chips. Lulu had finished her dinner by then.

"Want some?" he asked, indicating the chip bag.

She shook her head with a smile.

"Thanks, but I'm full."

She looked at her watch. She had been taking Georgie's shifts when Maxie wasn't able to, so she'd been putting in a lot of time at Kelly's, which was why she'd been so late. It would be midnight in ten minutes.

"Do you ever regret being here?" she asked. "I mean, Jason and I basically forced you to come back to Port Charles after Alcazar kidnapped us and we escaped. Do you ever wish you'd stayed in Tennessee?"

"No," he said without hesitation. "I couldn't grow anymore in Tennessee. Port Charles has matured me in ways I didn't even know I needed. I wish some things were different." He paused, looked sadly at the closed file on the desk, then looked back at her. "I should have done a lot of things differently, but I've never once regretted staying here. Having you and Stone Cold track me down was, in retrospect, the best thing that ever happened to me. If you hadn't, my friendships with both of you would never have been possible. I would never have known Wise Georgie." He paused again, this time in thought, then said, "I didn't know her nearly long enough. Except for my Granny, I was alone in Tennessee. I'm not alone here; I have you and Stone Cold, and my budding friendship with Nadine, plus I had Georgie. I don't even regret my brief but painful encounter with the Falsely Fair Jolene. If not for her, I wouldn't have become friends with her sister. I wouldn't have even witnessed the miracle of the birth of the Charmed One."

"But that was awful for you."

"The circumstances, yes, but when Stone Cold delivered her and we got her to breathe, when I held her, it was the most meaningful experience I've ever had."

"You're not sorry then? This year has been good for the most part."

"It has and it hasn't. But everything has balance. This year has been both good and bad, just like everything else in the universe."

"You're amazing," she said. "Remind me to tell you when I need positive thinking."

"The Jackal will most definitely comply with The Blonde One's request."

They laughed. Then he looked at her seriously and pulled her into a hug.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too. I'm so glad we're communicating again."

"Me, too. I think I'm finally learning how."

"You've never had trouble with words," she said, surprised.

"Not with words, no, but I don't always express myself well. You and Stone Cold know me, but even you get upset or confused when you mistake my meaning. I've met that guy, Joe, Samantha told you about and he asked me if I spoke English."

She laughed affectionately.

"Most people just don't get your verbal skills; they're as developed as your cyber skills. You're eccentric, just like every other genius on the planet."

He grinned, then looked at the clock. She followed his eyes and they both happened to be looking when the clock struck midnight.

"This year will be better for both of us," she said quietly.

"Happy New Year, Blonde One."

"Same to you."

She let him go, then looked surprised. She had just remembered what Logan had told her about the legend.

"Have you ever heard anything about a legend about New Years and being in someone's arms?"

"You mean the one about how if you're in someone's arms at midnight you'll be with that person for the year?"

She nodded.

"I would definitely say this bodes well for our friendship then."

Lulu's cell beeped, indicating that she'd received a text message. They both tensed.

"I've eased up on the text messaging, considering the circumstances."

"That's good, but maybe you should check. I'd feel better if I knew it was from someone you know. If it isn't, I think we should trace it."

She agreed and pulled out her cell.

"It's OK; it's just Logan wishing me a happy New Year."

They both relaxed, Spinelli with a sigh of relief.

"You don't suspect either Logan or Johnny as the Text Message Killer, do you?"

It was a statement, and she seemed surprised. Spinelli shook his head.

"Who is your suspect? Who did Georgie think it was?"

"I don't wanna tell you that yet because we have no real proof. I'm afraid of making you a target."

"But you don't think it's Logan, Johnny or that mechanic?"

"No, I think you're relatively safe with all of them, at least in terms of the Text Message Killer."

"Good to know."

They spent another hour talking before Lulu went home. She had a morning shift at Kelly's. As he closed the door behind her, Spinelli smiled, grateful to the Gods and Goddesses for bringing her into his life.

The next afternoon, Spinelli went to Kelly's for lunch and found Logan sitting at a table. He was waiting for Lulu.

"Logan," he said, keeping his tone civil, "can I talk to you for a minute?"

Logan gave him a suspicious look, but nodded. Lulu walked in and started towards them, but stopped, seeing that Spinelli was talking to Logan. She waited apprehensively to see what he would say.

"You were wrong at the ball. You said I was refusing to help you because of a pathetic no chance in Hell thing I had with Lulu. I had almost completely accepted by then that we would never be together. Now I have. Recent personal experiences have forced me to put things into perspective. You don't have to worry about me coming between you, or trying to, anyway. She's with you and I accept that as fact."

Logan looked surprised.

"Thanks, Man. Does this mean I'm not the Unworthy One anymore?"

Spinelli looked intently at him, trying to pick his words carefully, not wanting to cause trouble. Neither of them were aware that Lulu had walked in and was listening to every word they were saying.

"I don't believe you'll intentionally physically hurt The Blonde One, but I'm still not convinced that you won't break her heart again. If you will agree, for her sake, I would like us to try to be civil. I don't know that we'll ever be friends because I can't forget how deeply you've hurt her before, but I think we could at least try to get along and I'm willing to do so now that I've fully accepted the reality of your relationship. But I'm telling you right now, as her most trusted and loyal friend. If you ever again hurt her in any way, I will find a way to humiliate you that's gonna make what you and Maxie did to her seem like a picnic on the most beautiful day of the year."

Logan was surprised. He had thought Spinelli was going to spout that line again about the Goth God of Zoom. Now he was beginning to understand why Lulu thought so highly of Spinelli. He meant what he said; as Lulu's friend, he would do anything he could to protect her, and to make anyone who hurt her pay. Logan could see the truth of it in Spinelli's honest brown eyes. He decided he didn't have to ask Lulu what made Spinelli so important to her; he got it now. He still didn't like the fact that Lulu's best friend was a guy, but he also knew there was nothing he could do about it. Trying to wreck their friendship was a surefire way to wreck his second chance with Lulu and he didn't want to risk that.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from her best friend," he said, holding out his hand.

"Good; then we have an understanding," Spinelli said, accepting the hand.

"Thank you, Spinelli," Lulu said happily, coming up to them and putting an arm around each of them. "You, too," she said to Logan, and kissed each of them on the cheek.

They both smiled at her.

"Can I get you that orange soda now?" Logan asked Spinelli, referring to the time Lulu had tried to get them to be friends before.

"Please."

"And I'll get your chips," Lulu said.

"Wait," Spinelli said. "I'd like to do something different today. Would you share a waffle with me in honor of Wise Georgie?"

Lulu glanced at Logan. She had promised him they would spend the afternoon together.

"Go ahead," Logan said, deciding to be gracious. How long could it take for the two of them to eat a waffle? "We'll have the rest of the afternoon."

"Thank you," she said to Logan. "One waffle, coming up."

"Can you please tell Lulu I'll wait for her in the alley?" Logan asked as he handed Spinelli his soda.

Spinelli nodded.

"Thanks," Logan said before heading out back.

As he waited for Lulu to come back with the waffle, Spinelli's thoughts turned again to the past year. He was still deep in thought when Lulu set the plate in front of him.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

"Yeah, I was just thinking. I gave Georgie a box of chocolates once and she said it was very Forrest Gump of me." He smiled. "Forrest was right."

"About what?"

"Remember when he's by Jenny's grave and he says he thinks both happen at the same time? Sometimes we're just floating along like a feather on a breeze and other times your destiny is planned. I think he was right. Sometimes life outside Cyberspace seems totally random and other times it's like the fates have planned something for you and there's no escaping it. Eventually, you realize you don't wanna escape it, even if it's painful."

"Like when someone dies, you wish you could escape the pain of their death, but at the same time you know the only way to do that is never to have known them and you don't want that either."

"Exactly. I also believe in the circle of life, not the way our bodies become the grass when we die and some animals eat the grass, but the way some things come full circle, like the seasons."

"You mean how we started as friends, then we messed it up, now we're coming back again to being friends?"

He nodded.

"My whole experience with the night shift began and ended with a gun. The Jackal shot himself in the foot, leading him to the ER where Stone Cold took the blame and was assigned to the janitorial staff on the night shift. Three months later, Jolene takes a bullet meant for me. But at the same time, it was completely random that Stone Cold and I would end up on the night shift during all those accidents. There was no predicting our saving The Charmed One, or finding out that Jolene was the one trying to sabotage the hospital. But maybe it was fate that we ended up there. No one else figured it out, and someone else who might have been trapped in the elevator might not have had the means I did, or the courage Stone Cold did, to do the procedure. Maybe The Pained One would have been trapped in there alone if Stone Cold and I hadn't been there."

"I see what you mean. I guess you can only tell which happens, randomness, fate or the circle, until after the experience is over."

"I think it's interesting to speculate," he said as he finished the last of his portion of the waffle.

"You can have that," Lulu said, pointing at the big strawberry. "I'll finish up the whipped cream."

"You're the best," he said, feeling a very strong sense of deja vu.

He smiled, suddenly very strongly feeling Georgie's presence.

"No, you are. Most friends would have bailed on me months ago if I treated them like I did you."

"The Jackal is not most friends. He knows how important friendships are because he's had so few. Nothing you did is worth ending our friendship."

Logan secretly watched them from the alley, wishing he could hear what they were saying. They looked happy. He suddenly knew without a doubt that Spinelli and Lulu would be best friends for the rest of their lives. It was as if someone had whispered it in his ear. Even if he tried every trick in the book, there would be no breaking up this particular dynamic duo.


End file.
